Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Watch this youtube video. You have to copy and paste it. The link function does not work for some reason. sorry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4

For many of us, we "favorited" that video. And for the rest us, we "exit" out of it after the first ten seconds.Some people thought it as the "cutest thing" and others thought it was absurdity. Nonetheless, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I sat down and thought about it- What is it about this video that I find it to be so beautiful and heart-warming?(No, I am not an online predator.) So I watched it again but this time, I analyzed it, hoping to find the reason why people are so attracted to it. The more and more I picked it apart, the more mistakes I found. Did you know that the kid doesn't even sing? He utilizes an unique technique that can be described as a combination of singing and humming. But then it hit me, it's beautiful because it's just beautiful, simply stated. There are no scientific or logical reasons. It's just beautiful.

I view identity in the same perspective. Either you're liked or you're not. People see you and they smile, or they see you and they frown. For those that frown, they have plenty of logical reasons and facts to "back-up" why they don't like you. But for those that do smile, are there any logical reasons for why they like you? I think not. If we were to break down and analyze a human being, I guarantee you that the facts on paper say we should hate that person. That goes for me, you, and anyone else. Then why do we like people? Why do we find a beauty in them? Those are questions we can't comprehend but does that justify hatred? You choose.

For many us, or for me at least have received that letter saying "We are grateful that you have applied to our school but at this time, your application does not fit our requirements." I'm sitting there thinking, "Damn, I fucked up." But I'm slowly starting to realize that society tries to put us in categories: " The Ivy-League Success Story", "The In-State fellow", or my favorite, "The Junior-College Failure". Who are they to tell me which category I belong in? It's true that there's no way for colleges to have "open-door" policy and that failure is a part of life. I don't know how to change that but what do I know is that I am going to be singing my song, like this little kid and it's going to have a lot of mistakes and a lot of nonsense, like this little kid, but whichever college thinks my song is beautiful is the college I'm going to. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't sweat it, just let it.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Pursuit of Identity.

As I’m sitting here, reminiscing on who I am, I am slowly starting to realize that my life has been built up by the world, by my parents, and by myself. How far has that gotten me? People who somewhat know me can tell you that I’m a “good” kid at heart who’s into bad things but I know I’m so much worse than that. There are many things that I keep to myself and don’t expose to the world because I’m afraid of how they will take it. No one in the world admires deceit, manipulation and corruption- all of the things that have so much to do with my life. The Eric of this world has only led me to trouble. The Eric of his parents has only led me to dishonesty. The Eric of myself has only led me to an inevitable failure. I’m with done with that. I’m done with trying to make my own life. The lord needs to break me to build me again, this time in his ways and in his love. I know I have fallen and will fall again. The judgment of the world will come. They will label me as a hypocrite, an unworthy one, and a hated one but I don’t care because I’m done with the Eric that I tried making. Jesus, break me and rebuild me as the Eric you have created.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Idk. Really, I don't know!

Hey guys, sorry for not blogging more often but I think I lost sight of what this blog was really about. I began this blog as a form of expression for me to reveal my thoughts and my feelings- basically your guide to Eric’s world. Unfortunately, I’ve lost sight of that and got so caught up in the spiritual pride and wanting this blog to be a form of preaching but I realize that I don’t want it to be like that. I’m just one of you guys and through this blog, I want to express my thoughts, my opinions, and my feelings and you guys to take it as you like. I’ll leave the preaching for the pastors.

Right now, I’m in a place in my walk where I’m getting to know who the real God is and deviating from who I thought “God” was. As I was sitting in my room, I had just got off the phone with my bible study teacher and he got me thinking. God has given me purpose in my life and called me to be someone, which in itself is powerful to me because all my life, I’ve dreamt of doing big things. But for a God who is first of all, a GOD and secondly, a God who has already scarified so much for me through his son’s crucifixion alone, he must really love me because he knew me enough to provide me with the things that make me happy. And beyond that, he’s promising to take care of all my needs, of all my insecurities, and of all my in capabilities, if I love him. At first glance, that’s not that much, but when I break it down and think about it, it’s unreal. First of all, me loving him only happens because he loves me, so basically without him none of this possible and he could easily just put me down in a pit and I wouldn’t be able to complain because he gave me life. Secondly, me loving him means I love him, which means I’d enjoy talking to him, I’d enjoy serving him, and I’d enjoy being with him. In conclusion, God is going to take care of everything, if I love him, which means it wouldn’t be a burden but an enjoyment. Can that be? Is that possible? Honestly, I know as a “Christian” I should be hollering and screaming “AMEN! “but when I break it down, I have doubts that something that great could actually exist. What do you think?

Love All,

GhanDEEP

How GREAT is OUR GOD?

This one goes out to a brother that I love and keep close to my heart. I don’t know if he knows that but now he does. Brother, I see a pure heart in you. Despite what other people think, and despite with you think, I see a pure heart. Sometimes, your actions may not reflect but I still see it and most importantly God still sees it. Thank you for the times you’ve been there for me. I know you’re probably thinking, “Huh? I’ve never been there for you.” But you have. You may not remember but I take the little things to and heart and I remember one time, I had a huge blister on my foot and most people would have just told me to suck it up but you were different. You took care of me and cared for me and I’ve always took that into my heart, so thanks. Brother, I don’t know why God does the things he does but he has a purpose and a reason. Believe that. Long nights will come, restless nights will come, and the tearful nights will come but fight through it. If there’s anything that you taught me, it’s to always fight and in the end, it will pay off. Brother, keep fighting and I love you. I will always love you and always pray for you.

How great is our God? No, I am not stating but I am asking it. God, death is something so painful. When my aunt passed away, I didn’t even know her but I felt the pain and I saw it in my mom. I saw what the pain did to her. I saw her grow crazy. I saw that she was suffering. Eventually through time, my mother and I learned to mend it but never could we erase it. We locked that part of our life in a closet and when it came out; we’d mourn and place it back because the pain was too much. God, you deal with this pain every day. You sent you one and only one son to die for our sins so that death alone brings much pain. As if that weren’t enough, we as children of God sin daily, meaning that not a day goes by where you aren’t reminded of your son’s death. How do you deal with that? Even though my sins remind you of your son’s death, you still choose to use me, and most importantly you still love me. How do you do that? God, my heart longs for condemnation, judge me! That’s not fair, there’s not justice in that. At least, make me earn your love, how can you just give it out so freely?

Brothers and sisters, I think I’ve limited myself to how great God is. I think he’s bigger than anything we can imagine. “All of you is more than enough than all of me” Let that ring in your ears.

Love All,
GhanDEEP

What I am, not who I am!

Congratulations, you guys were right. Not to assume but let’s be honest. For many of you guys, you guys were waiting and expecting me to fall and it happened. All I can say in my defense is that I’m human. Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely and misunderstood. Nobody can understand the things I am going through so as a need for attention, I fell again but by the grace of God, I was saved again. Obviously there is a lot of hypocrisy and what I did and what I do but look beyond that. It’s not about what I do it’s all about God.

This week I came upon a quote; “What we are never changes but who are never stops changing”. I began processing it word by word. The word, “what” defined from dictionary.com means; “used interrogatively to inquire as to the origin, identity, etc., of something”. Then I moved onto the word “who”. “Who” is used interrogatively to inquire someone’s identity and identity is defined by beliefs, values, morals, and actions. What am I? I am a child of God. Who am I? What I believe in, what I value, what I find to be moral, and finally my actions make me who I am but that will always change. Sometimes I will believe in the wrong things, sometimes I will value the wrong things, sometimes I will find immoral things to be moral, and sometimes I will act sinfully but despite all of that, I have to remember what I am- a child of God.

Yes, it’s true I fell this week because of my own selfish heart and desires but again, I have to remember that no matter my identity, I will always be a child of God. And I think for many of us we overlook those three words- child of God. What does that really mean?

Personally to me, being a child of God means that no matter who I am God will always love me because I am his child. This week I got this picture. I was living in the dark and it was unfulfilling because I couldn’t see anything so there was no progression in life. Then I put a little faith and a little belief in that thing called God and the entire room lit up. I fell in love with it. I loved that I was progressing in life but then I came upon a mirror. I looked at myself and I was so disgusting so I ignored God and turned off the light. I didn’t want to see myself. But being a child of God means that no matter how ugly we are in the mirror, God loves us and wants to use us. So even if we can’t stand it, he can and that’s the beauty in it.

Once you’ve received this kind of love, it’s your job as a child of God to reveal it to your brothers and sisters. That’s my prayer for all that I would not walk alone but walk in a parade as one body, one unity, and one family of Christ.

If you have fallen, remember it’s not about who are you, it’s about what you are. Fall down six times and get up on the seventh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc43_VhSJOg&feature=related

Love All,
GhanDEEP

Cry Out

Guys, I know that for a lot of you I am an inspiration and a source of hope but I am human just like you. Every day is a struggle for me. As I walk with God, I look back and I desire to go back to the life I was living but I know that God is the only way. These couple of days has been really hard on me. I feel like God is asking too much of me so I took a day off and missed FNF (Friday Night Fellowship). That may not seem like a big deal but its huge because it shows where my priorities are and it’s not with God. I know for many of you, you guys are also struggling so just pray this prayer with me. For those who aren’t struggling, I ask that you guys pray this prayer also for your brothers and sisters who are struggling.

Lord,

We come to you with broken hearts.

But first, we ask for forgiveness. For momentarily, we have doubted you, we have forgotten you, and lastly we allowed our hearts to grow hard. Please forgive us.

We are only humans and infants to you. We are struggling. We are hurting. We are in pain. We cry out for you. Please answer for I know you have the power to heal.

Without you, we are nothing. We cannot survive in this world. We long for you.

Again, we apologize for forgetting you. Please forgive us.

We kneel down and cry out that you are the Lord so please answer.

Lord, we cry out.

Amen.

Love All,
Your Brother in Christ,
GhanDEEP

Witness

With college around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about colleges and the thought of missionary/Christian schools came up but I rejected them because I want to be “successful”- in the worldly sense. To be honest, I’d much rather live in a million dollar home and preach then live off the streets and preach. Also, am I even called to be in ministry? But then during a devotional, God gave me a verse (Matthew 19:16-30), which talks about the rich young man and how he must give up all of his fortune and follow Jesus. I thought about it and in way, it was God telling me to give up my worldly dreams of becoming successful and just follow. I’m still not sure if I’m called to be in ministry if but he calls, I will be prepared to drop everything and go.

I was sharing this revelation to a friend at school and she seemed startled. (Shout out! You know who you are!) She began telling me her views on how I need to live with balance and how I need to consider the things of the world, being money because honestly, money does run this society. Without money, one can’t survive. That got me thinking. In fact for a second, that got me doubting. I began doubting my future with what God has planned for me. But then, I came to my roots in the lord.

No disrespect to my friend, but I realized that in life, you don’t need balance, you don’t need stability, you don’t need security. All you need is God. I’m sure for many of you guys; you have seen this change in me. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I have changed. So therefore, it makes you guys a witness to what God has done in a brother’s life but let’s be honest, how many times before have we seen this? How many times before do we see someone rise and fall right after? The hypocrisy in Christianity makes us doubt. We always hear these amazing testimonies and crazy stories where God is working but do we believe them? Honestly, it’s tough to believe because of the hypocrisy in it but when you become a witness to the light in yourself, you will believe.

For me, I’ve always had this urge to serve God but unfortunately as fast I rose, I fell down that fast so it’s hard for you guys to believe in this change. Not saying that I don’t/won’t fall, truly this time is different because now I am a witness to the light in myself. Before I witnessed God working through other people but when I was the one that he used, the witnessing was different. It was personal, it was raw, and it was real. There were no doubts. I knew that it was God. Often times, we are witnesses to what God has done in other people but if you want to grow in him, witness the light in yourself.

“God is only as big as your head.” Meaning that we as humans try to understand God but he is so amazing and so big that we can’t and our brains limit our belief in what he can do. Don’t ever think that God can’t use you because yes, you are unworthy but God loves you enough to change you and use you. God has the power to change the world in a snap of his fingers but instead, he uses us to change the world. Think about that. He can take the easy way out but he loves us so much that he’d rather use us, his creations. So brothers and sisters, witness the light in yourself and believe.

“He himself was not the light; he came only as the witness to the light.” – John 1:8

Love All,
GhanDEEP
Ps; email me at elee2023@yahoo, I would love to pray for you.

Justice One Time!!!

This Christian walk with God is the greatest thing that one can do in his/her life but just like anything else, the beginning is always the toughest part. It has barely been two weeks and I’m already struggling. Although the chains of lust and addiction have been set free through the strength of God, there are many times when I look back and that voice speaks to me. The devil is telling me that just this one time and no more after that. But I can’t because my hunger for God’s love is too great. I beg for his presence. I beg for his mercy. And ultimately I beg for his love. I don’t want to live a second without it because I know there’s nothing else in this world that is comparable.

But let’s be honest, there are many times when the devil gets the best of you. He tricks you into thinking that one time won’t hurt and then after that, he uses the guilt to bring you down. He tells you that you can’t receive God’s love because you’re a sinner. Even for me, this week, I fell again into the sin of masturbation and the temptation of addiction is right around the corner. In need of inspiration and strength, I prayed to God to remind me of his love and what is it about his love that surpasses anything that world can provide. But I felt nothing. I felt as if God had left me because I sinned but I’ve been there before. I know God enough that he wouldn’t leave me so I continued to be faithful and continued to believe. Yes, it’s tough to believe when you feel abandoned but it’s all about perspective.

Have you ever thought from God’s perspective? Maybe, he kept his distance from you on purpose. For me, I feel like when the going gets tough, it’s time to quit but this time, I stuck through it and God showed me that there are going to be times when I fall and there are going to be times when things get rough but I just have to stick through it with him, even if I don’t “feel” like he is there. I can’t tell you why God does what he does but just remember at all times God loves you. In Romans 8:38-39, it says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Yes, NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As a story of inspiration, read this article. There’s no doubt that this story is tragic. Can you imagine your own son trying to kill you? Believe or not, God deals with that pain every day. As children of God, we all fall and we all sin and it hurts God but just as the mother says, “I'm OK -- I'm just hurting for him” God says the same. God is ok even though ALL of his children sin but just go back to him because he’s hurting for you. He longs for you. He loves you.

If you know that already, then I challenge you to stop your life of sin. In John 5:14, Jesus says, “Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” I know it’s hard but with God, nothing is impossible. And remember the next time the Devil says, “Just this once time”, God replies “justice once time!” -The same words, just a new perspective.

Guys, remember I am no different from you. I am human!

Love All,
GhanDEEP

PS: I would love to hear your stories. Whether you've just began like me or have been in this relationship for a long time, I want to hear your stories! Email me at elee2023@yahoo or just hit me up on facebook.

A Purpose

As college approaches our doorsteps, the transition from being a teenager to being a young adult is happening faster than we would like. Although many of us are looking forward to moving out and being independent, the question of “What am I going to do for the rest of my life?” always stumps us. I know we’ve all experienced it- the restless nights, the insomnia, the frustration, the fear, the insecurities. It’s normal and it’s a part of growing up but it’s the part that nobody enjoys. For some of us, we’re so curious about our purpose in life and as for the rest of us, we fear moving on. We fear the change. We fear that we will be unworthy. And ultimately, we fear that we have no purpose in life. But for every question, for every doubt, and for every fear, there is only one answer. It is God.

For myself, I can say that this week has been the craziest and most life-changing week ever. Just like every other senior, I kept thinking about my purpose in life and which college is best for me and I realized something. I realized that I can’t go on living this life without knowing why I’m here. Then I thought back to analogy of machine and its creator. A machine will never know what its purpose is unless it asks its creator. So for once, I forgot about all the things that hindered me from reaching God and I went for it. The embarrassment of looking like a hypocrite, the fear of not making it, and the insecurity of being unworthy, all of these that meant so much to me, now meant nothing. I didn’t care anymore because my thirst for knowing my purpose was so much greater than my fears and my insecurities. And now I can happily say that I know why I’m here and it’s to serve God.

But don’t think that just because you know your purpose, life is going to be easy because it’s not. Yes, it’s true; God is real, he exists, and he is amazing. He has the ability to do anything in this world and feeling his presence is the greatest feeling in world. It’s a spiritual high that’s higher than anything drugs can give you. Trust me, I would know. But just because he is the greatest thing in world, it doesn’t mean that life will be easy. Listening to him and trying to be obedient to him and ultimately living your life for him is tough because he challenges you. He beats you up and throws you to the ground. He commands you to do ridiculous things. But he does it for your good. He does it so you can be prepared for the purpose that he has created you with. He does it because he loves you.

This week, there were times when I felt hypocrisy creep over my shoulder. In fact, a day after my revelation I had an urge to satisfy my worldly desires. In fact, a couple hours after my revelation I indulged in the sin of masturbation. Hypocrisy was right there. He was telling me that I’m not a Christian, that I’m not worthy, and that God doesn’t love me. But through believing in God, I was able to defeat it. I was able to come to my roots in the lord.

This week, there were times when I felt like God was being ridiculous. He was commanding me to do things that I’m not capable of. The thoughts came back. I began to think- I was unworthy. I began to doubt that this position God has anointed me with was unreal. But through believing in him, I was able to defeat it. I was able to come to my roots in the lord.

Just as I began, as college approaches our doorsteps, for once ask your creator what your purpose is. Forget about the hypocrisy, the fears, and the insecurities and be thirsty for your purpose. I promise if you ask, God will answer. Don’t do this for anyone else but yourself. Do this because you want to know why you’re here on this earth. Do this because you want to quench your thirst. Do this because when do, you will encounter the something greater than your worldly dreams and remember always believe. Just like control, alt, and delete restart your computer, believing and having faith are the keys to restarting your life with God.

Love All,
GhanDEEP

Change

Wow, seems like forever since I've written a blog. I'll keep this one short.

All my life, failure has covered me from the head to the defeat but now I think it's time for change.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

One Love with All People.

Just a poem(too lazy to write kinda piece). Just a bunch of my thoughts. Just read. ENJOY!


One Love with All People.
One love is our goal.
All People is our strangers.

Differences aside,
Colors of all nations must come as one.
But how?

Differences aside,
Personalities of all the earth must come as one.
But how?

Differences aside,
Hate and love must come as one.
But how?

How?
All go to the ONE origin,
The Alpha and the Omega,
The Beginning and the End.

Ps: This doesn't reveal my religion status and nor does this reflect on my behavior. Just some thoughts that were going through my mind.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

I see Michael as my EQUAL.

Long time no read.

It's going to be short, simple, and hopefully sweet.

Recently, after the media frenzy on Michael's death, I've had a thirst for who he really was and why he did the things he did. So one day, I decided to quench my thirst by watching two documentaries about his lifestyle (Links A and B)and I noticed that I could really see him as my equal. Yes, I see the one and only, ridiculous and child-molesting, Michael Jackson as my equal! Please do not take this the wrong direction. I do not have raging hormones for vulnerable young boys, and nor do I have a desire to change my skin color. (just kidding, hoping to appeal to satirical humor). I just have respect for the man and share the same dream as him- to change the world.

Just like Michael, I have realized that this world is full of immorality, corruptness, and sin. It's come to the point where, good deeds are considered as rare events. It's come to the point where, stabbing people in the front instead of their back is considered friendship. It's come to the point where, people can't help others without fearing a lawsuit. (Link C) But shouldn't good deeds be an everyday casual action, shouldn't friendship be defined by how you love and not by how you hate, shouldn't the act of helping others be thanked? Unfortunately, this is what the world has come to. No judgment, just words of my thoughts. (I have no right to judge because I partake moral crumbling of our world.)

Just like Michael, I have a dream, a wanting, and a heart for changing this world-fixing what is wrong.

But unlike Michael, I have no plan. Michael was a great man, from what I've seen, but his methods failed. They left nothing but a small indention. I want to leave a totaled train wreck but I don't know how. Correction: I do know how, but I don't know if I can and if I have what it takes.

Unlike Michael, I lack courage.

Links of Reference
A. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7RDCDLLIm8
B. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7RDCDLLIm8
C. http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=6498405&page=1

Love All,

GhanDEEP

UP!

We all know; life has its ups and downs. There are those times when you feel like you’re on top of the world, and then everything falls out from under you, leaving you in a pit. But at some point or another, something or someone had to dig the initial pit. That something is usually a devastating event. For some, it’s the death of a close one and for others, it’s their own insecurities. Whatever the “event” is, we all have one. We begin to fear the pandemonium of this pit, imagining things to be worse than they really are. Then out of despair, we try to dig our way out, only to realize that we are making the problem worse. With each counter, we dig the pit deeper and deeper, and soon enough, we allow it to control our lives. The longer it controls your life, the more obsessed you become, and the more you fear it.

So next time you’re in the pit, don’t try to dig yourself out, just wait for life to bring you back up and reminisce on the good times you’ve had, laugh at the funny time you’ve had, and most importantly smile through it all with pure joy. Life becomes easier when you’re smiling.

I’ll leave on this last note; “Laugh to forget but don't forget to laugh”

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Genius

Summertime is finally here! I’ll be the first to say, “Summer is great” but the excessive amount of freedom can get boring. You can only play basketball for so long before you grow tired of it. Today I found a new source of entertainment-the news. Yes, you read it right- the news! Aside from its “make-you-feel-dumb” vocabulary, I find it very humorous and entertaining. For example check out this story; http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525983,00.html.

I know what you’re thinking. “WOW this guy is an idiot!” I beg to differ. This man is a genius! Which cop wouldn’t believe that an infant is capable of driving a car? It’s simple; press the gas pedal to go and the brake pedal to stop and turn the wheel as you go. It’s much easier than walking.

Aside from the obvious, the man knew the jury wouldn’t charge his infant son with hit and run. I can imagine the court room in my head. The infant’s “goo goo gaa gaa” would suffice for a defense testimony. How can anyone convict a cute one year-old for a crime? I said it before and I’ll say it again; the man is a genius!

Oh yeah the moral of this story? When you commit a crime, just blame it on your infant child, he/she will serve as a perfect scape goat. We all know infants are capable of crimes!

Love All,

GhanDEEP

I am an official "Facebook Stalker"

Embarrassment- I’m sure it’s something we have all faced but surely enough it’s something we don’t enjoy encountering. It’s like rain. Some days the clouds forecast a rainy shower and other days, spontaneous rain pours despite the perfectly sunny sky. It’s unpredictable, undesirable, and unfortunately it’s necessary. Without rain, the green and the blue of the earth will die out, leaving us to live in a brownish poop-colored earth. In the same sense, without the frequent showers of embarrassment, the humility in us will wither, leaving us to think we are “the shit”.

Embarrassment helps us to wake up from our imaginary egoistical world and reminds us of the reality-we are all human beings who idiotically strive for an impossible perfection, yet we frequently believe that we are “perfect”.

I’ll be the first say; today I have been rejected by a girl. If that weren’t bad enough, I think I was officially awarded the “Facebook Stalker” trophy. What can I say? I utilize modern technologies to polish my game to perfection. If there are any lady readers out there, don’t be afraid to “holler at me”. Now before the giggles and the laughs come, I know we’ve all been rejected before. But if weren’t for this rejection today, I’d most likely take the “playa” persona and begin with changing my name to a simple “E” (It’s easier for the girls to shout my name). Then type all my text messages with a mixture of caps and numbers, L1kE tHiS. And finally to complete my transformation, I’d take photo-shopped pictures of myself, half naked in the bathroom, and write “cUtE pOoBeAr” in the corner of all the pictures, then post them as my profile pics for the creepy homosexual internet adult predators to later message me asking for my number. I’m sure that the embarrassment outweighs the “playa” transformation.

Embarrassment will inevitably occur. The best way to approach is like a man. Ronald Kim said it best,”Real men don’t get embarrassed.”

PS: We all know how clever Ron is.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

A Manly Man

I just finished the highly-praised movie, Marley and Me- a great movie that has had many different responses. The majority viewed it as heart-warming, tear-dropping, and simply beautiful while the rare few thought of it as complete stupidity. What was my response? - A lot of tears, a lot of them. (What can I say I am pretty manly man.)

We all know. Marley’s death is obviously the saddest part of the movie, but being the manly man that I am, why was I crying up a storm? Why did the death of this “special” dog poke a soft spot in my heart? I couldn’t come up with an answer. I guess I’m just a dog loving freak at heart. Either that or God forgot to mix in the “MAN” ingredient when he created me. Wait, I volunteered to give up three of my dogs and last time I checked I had balls between my thunder thighs, so that’s not it.

Maybe it’s because the death of the dog symbolized a death in my life- That makes more sense. Marley was a unique creature; actually you could say that all dogs are unique, because they love anyone and everyone. Whether the person is fat, or skinny, or whether the person is rich, or poor, dogs will always love as long as you pour out your heart to them, hence the title “Man’s Best Friend”. John Grogan said it best; “A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things - a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.” In other words, these furry, cute animals do more than just sleep, eat, and hump, they love unconditionally and teach us things about this world. Who else does that? Who else loves unconditionally and blindly? Who else teaches us friendship, selflessness and, loyalty? Who else is that hairy? To me, it sounds a lot like that Jesus creature.

It’s a tragedy to say, but in my life, Jesus has passed away. I have forgotten who he was and who he is. I have lived alone in the dark. And above all else, I have forgotten what he has done. His death parallels the death of Marley. I subconsciously knew this, hence leading to my overflow of tears. But in the mist of all this “sad talk” here’s some optimism; Jesus was crucified on the cross but later was resurrected. If he can come back to life in real life, then he can do the same in my life.

John Grogan has his own story, Marley and Me. And I have mine, Me, Myself, and I. Just kidding, it goes more like, Jesus and Me. What's your story?

Love to live, live to love.

-GhanDEEP

Introducing a Light Heavyweight Fighter, Life

Life, only weighing 185 pounds, is a big and strong fighter yet also a very versatile one. He has a powerful striking and a wonderful ground game. His techniques have been perfected through countless hours of practice. You could say that he’s one of the best fighters around and that fact is apparent, with millions of people committing suicide, dealing with depression, and fighting the war against drugs. But even the great Greek hero, Achilles has had his downfall- his heel later named the Achilles tendon after his death. Believe me when I say this; There is a way to defeat this strong opponent.

If you’re a fan of MMA or even an actual fighter, or just a video game geek who enjoys playing Fight Night, you know that counters enforce the most damage. How many times have you played the game and since the first ring of the bell, you brutally demolish your opponent with crazy button mashing then all of a sudden he knocks you out with a simple counter? The same strategy should be used to defeat Life. Dodge each punch and kick then counter hard. The key to dodging is to approach each attack with a mind of forgiveness and pure happiness. That’s only step one of two, the other step is the most important, the counter. Each counter should be performed with hard work and dedication. With these 4 components, defeating Life will happen.

When Life attacks with whatever it may be, ranging from breakups to family deaths or even something simple as a rude stranger, learn to dodge it, and counter back with a powerful blow. Unfortunately there will be times when Life will knock you down but get back up, and fight again, if you continue to be persistent success will be inevitable

Love All,

GhanDEEP

THE BALLERS NOTE!!!!

Before I begin, allow me to warn all readers that this blog is not aimed toward anyone or any group of people. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY!

I’m sure many of you guys have either been to a tourney basketball game or seen the NBA playoffs. For those who have, we all know about the recent Rafer Alston slap, the dirty Dwight Howard elbow, and the Derrick Fisher tackle. My initial response: “WOW, what has basketball come to now days?”

It’s all that trash talking, pride, and anger that’s ruining the game right? WRONG

I’m sorry to say but from the origin of basketball, trash talking, pride, and anger has all been a part of it. That’s what makes the game what it is. That’s what makes sports what they are.

I agree though, basketball without these “bad things” would be amazing but there cannot be good without the bad. In games, people will trash talk, you will get angry, you will get prideful, refs will make bad calls, and people will play dirty, because it’s all a part of the game. It’s playing with passion that creates these “bad things” but that’s what makes it so fun to play and so fun to watch. Sports would not be where they are without passion.

So what do we do? How do we stop the slaps, and fights associated with sports? Do we tell players to stop playing with passion? NO, because without passion basketball becomes a simple act of throwing a ball into a hoop. Instead, we learn that what stays on the court stays on the court. We learn that the trash talking, the pride, and the anger are all just part of the game and there are no personal meanings behind it. And as fans, we don’t discourage these “bad things” we just remind players that there are no personal motives, its passion and a desire to win.

As a last note, remember; what happens in basketball and in sports is just passion there are no personal motives behind it.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Lost and Insecure. Who found me?

“Why am I so lazy?” That question hit hard and sparked a million different possibilities but only one seemed to hold truth.

Again, “Why am I so lazy?” because me trying my best, me working my butt off, me going one hundred percent just isn’t good enough. It’s not good enough for the world, it’s not good enough for my friends, it’s not good enough for my parents, it’s not good enough for her, it’s not good enough for me, and most importantly it’s not good enough for God. In other words, I’m not good enough for anything or anyone. I don’t know why I feel the way I do but I do know that it has to change.

I am a boy of dreams hoping to do great works for Jesus but until I can overcome this way of thinking I will never mature into a man of reality to actually accomplish whatever Jesus has planned for me.

I’m desperate. Anyone with any answers please share.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Positively Connotated

“The past is the past, move on, forget it, and live in the present.” We’ve all heard it or something similar to it. But is the past only just “the past”? Does “the past” play no other role in the present? It is something to forget?

For many of us, especially in the Christian community, we continuously dwell on the sins of our past, hindering us from accepting God’s love and questioning; “Why me, God?”, “Why do you still love someone sinful like me?”, “Have you not seen the things I have done?” Unfortunately, no matter how many times we try to escape God’s love, it will always surround us, it will always cover us, and it will always suffocate us. It is inescapable. So we should forget the past and move on right? I disagree.

As humans, God has created each and every one of us to be unique- giving us all different physical qualities as well different personality traits. But in a way, the fact of being human makes us all the same. Just as your mother, as your friend, or even as a random stranger possesses fears and insecurities, you also possess them. But where do these fears and insecurities generate from? It’s defiantly not related to genetics. As we come out of our mother’s womb, we do not grow an instant fear of failure. Our fears and insecurities, develop from something else, something common to most humans (unfortunately there are babies who don’t make it), otherwise known as our pasts.

Whether it’d be simple events like your brother constantly telling you to shut up or a more serious issue like bullying, the past develops our fears and insecurities. If this is so, we should just forget and move on but I’m sorry to say that’s impossible. No matter how hard we try to forget, the past remains like a scar; it stays forever, reminding you of all the pain. So what do we do?

Instead of trying to do the impossible, we work with possible. We remember all of the pain and the suffering and allow that to affect us in a positive way.

For example, all of my life I have had this fear of failure and all these insecurities. Looking back on my childhood and my past, my parents are to blame (I’m sorry mom and dad but I still love you). Don’t get me wrong, my parents have done great things for me but honesty must be said. Nonetheless, my parents’ constant nagging about absolutely everything ranging from grades, to weight, to my messiness, and to even my hair, has made me afraid to fail and developed so many insecurities. The fear has lead me to where I am today; failing two classes. My insecurities have leaded me to losing friendships, and gaining a relationship with Satan-nothing appealing. How can I turn this negative to positive?

It’s easy. Instead of trying to forget, I remember- remember the pain, the hurt, the regret. Then I use that memory to never treat anyone the same way my parents have treated me, use that memory to never make anyone feel insecure, and finally use that memory to help those who have/are in the same shoes as I.

When people use the word past, they use it with a negative connotation. Let’s change that around. Whether you pasts consists of degrading parents like me, or being bullied, or even being laughed, allow it to affect your present in a positive way so that your current present becomes a positively connotated (made up word) past.

PS: My parents are not bad people. I love them with all my heart! They are just... typical Asian parents aha.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Simple

Keeping it simple today.

Bad things happen for good reasons.
-GhanDEEP

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Car Ride

My father was driving me to school today and I saw a little girl in the car in front. She was probably in her elementary years and just as my dad was taking me to school; her mom was probably doing the same. She sat in the backseat with a toy in the right hand but paid no attention to it. Instead her head was on a swivel, constantly twisting and turning to see where she was at and where she was going. I found this very peculiar.

Instead of enjoying the toy she has, she is worried about where her mother driving. I am doing the same. Instead of enjoying what I have right now in life, I am so caught up in what I am going to be doing and where I will end up in the future. But why worry when her mother is driving the car? Why worry when her mother knows where she is going? In the same sense, why should I worry when Jesus has a set plan for me in my life?

It’s natural for us humans to worry because it’s hard for us to trust someone/something who isn’t even tangible, who isn’t physically here on the earth, who doesn’t physically talk to us. How can we trust that? But seen in the example, the mother drives the child but can the opposite be said? Can the child drive the mother? The simple answer is no. In that same sense, God can lead us on a path but we are incapable of leading our own lives.

So how can we trust a God who lacks physical presence?

We trust in him because we as humans are incapable of driving our own lives in the right direction. Humans are too selfish, too insecure, too unstable, too corrupt, and finally and most importantly, humans are too human.

Love All,
GhanDEEP

Ps: leave some more comments of your honest input.

I am "weird". Are you?!?!

This blog goes out to one special person. Thanks for teaching me something about life today and sorry for the things I did. Hopefully you know who you are.

I am a guy full of jokes, whether they are funny or not (most the times they aren’t) I love to joke. So today I found myself picking on an innocent person; just joking about his/her “weirdness” but I think that person took it the wrong way. But it’s ok because soon enough, I tasted a little bit of my own medicine. The very next period, my classmates ranted about how weird I was. It didn’t bother me much but it came to a point where I got insecure about who I am and my identity. I guess I realized how the other person felt.

As I left class, I slugged through the hallway- my shoes sliding across the tiles, my head leaned to one side, and my shoulders dropping downwards. I couldn’t stop thinking about the topic of being “weird”. Then I realized something; everyone is “weird”, making “being weird” a normal characteristic. So in a sense, not “being weird” which means “being normal” is very “weird”. It’s funny how God uses irony and karma to teach me something.

We, as human beings, are all “weird” but “being weird” makes us all normal.

PS: As an apology to the person I joked about here’s a list of “weird” things I do so next time you can get back at me. This is also a way to show that I am normal by stating how “weird” I am. Lol

1. When I walk, I often times like to pretend that I dribbling pass defenders. (I do this a lot in school. If you see my moving my arms, I am dribbling not doing some Chinese dance)

2. When I’m home, I like to wear only my boxers and my socks.

3. Often times, I sit in the bath tub, with the music blasting, and think about random things like “I wonder if I will have picture frames when I move out” (Because pictures frames are a hassle but I want to have memories and pictures and also nobody takes real pictures anymore it’s all digital so where would I get my pictures from?)

4. When I throw away empty water bottles, I crushed them because if I don’t they take too much space in the trash can.

5. I have a T.V. at my house that isn’t connected to cable, dish, any game systems, or any dvd players. So basically the only the T.V. can do is display a black screen that says “no connection”.

6. I have a crush on Yoon Ji from We Got Married but she is a celeb that I have never met nor talked to.

7. I like eating in my room. The dining room is too spacious.

8. There is a trash can next to me but I am too lazy to put in a new trash bag so I end up walking to the other room to throwing something way. But walking to the other room takes more energy than putting in a new trash bag.

9. I don’t like wearing shorts because they don’t fit my “style”.

10. I have a crush on the dentist secretary I go to because she calls me cute all the time.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

PS2: oo leave some comments! I would love to hear your HONEST input. :]

Marshmallows

The other day I found myself reading this article on Yahoo and realized something- Society embeds into our brains that life is all about obtaining the most marshmallows possible. Marshmallows as in the things in the world that provide us joy, usually, money, sex, cars, drugs, and etc.

In the same way that these children wait twenty minutes to obtain four more marshmallows, we waste our entire lives in order to obtain the most marshmallows possible. But have you ever eaten a marshmallow before? Yes, these fluffy treats are irresistibly delicious but how long does the joy last? Maybe one marshmallow provides you happiness for 5 minutes- at the most. Then you long for another one- slowly becoming addicted. Sooner later, no amount of marshmallows can satisfy your cravings. Sadly that is how we live.

So the question I ask is; Why go through all of the troubles to obtain these “marshmallows” when in reality they aren’t even that great?

Even as high school students, how many times do we find ourselves giving up things in order to succeed in school? For example, we give up our integrity and honor by cheating, and give up sports or hobbies and sometimes even give up friends. But why go through all of this trouble? Why lose our integrity and honor? Why give up something in life that means a lot to us? All for what? To get into a better college? To have an “easier” life? Excuse my language, but that’s bullshit. I’ve seen adults who graduated from Tech and ended up working at a gas station. I’ve seen parents such as my own who don’t even have an American High School Diploma yet they are making more money than those people who graduated from Duke, UGA, and Yale. This doesn’t mean, go through high school doing absolutely nothing but then again, don’t allow this fascination of “marshmallows” to dictate your life because in the end, no amount of marshmallows is worth dedicated your life to.

As human beings, we are brainwashed to believe that life is centered on obtaining as many marshmallows as possible. Not only do we waste our time, but in the process, sometimes friendships, morals, and even family can be lost due to our addiction. I don’t know what the purpose of life is but I do know that obtaining marshmallows is not it.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

PS: leave some comments, i would like to know your thoughts. Honesty is mandatory. Thanks

The Backyard NBA Court

The grassy greens of the backyard surrounded the four sides of an enclosed cement platform. Centered on a side was a black pole, towering ten feet high. On top of the pole rested a large glass board with an orange rim nailed in perpendicularly. The fall breeze blew the multi-colored leaves over the gritty concrete floor, bordering all four sides and leaving the middle uncovered. The contrast between the pure white of the middle and the yellow, orange, and red of the border created a natural spot light in the middle. All leaves were watching, anticipating, waiting for the superstar to arrive. I am the superstar and this is my own backyard NBA court- a place where dreams were dreamt, where dreams were chased, and where dreams were reality.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Are you serious?!?!?

Today, I found myself enjoying another episode of the show Scrubs (if you haven’t seen the show yet, go watch it!). Throughout the episode, these two lovers, JD and Elliott (JD being the male and Elliott being the female), find themselves in a quarrel because JD didn’t express his love for Elliott romantically enough. He did what any typical guy would do-said the simple “I love you”. Apparently it didn’t satisfy Elliott’s emotions so she demanded that he find another “spontaneous” time to express that he not only loves her but also to what extent he loves her. JD tries his best. Once in front of his colleagues, but then she demanding denies with a “Not in front of everybody”. Another time when she enters the bathroom, but then she embarrassingly admits to having to “poo”. What great timing!?!?! Finally JD gives up and simply tells Elliott that “I love you” should be a strong enough statement and her obsession of having this perfectly romantic scene is “crazy”. This sparks a quarrel, ruining the vacation to the Bahamas. But eventually after watching their friend’s wedding, the two lovers find themselves sitting on a dock with their feet swinging back and forth over the waves of the ocean, reminiscing on their relationship. JD realizes that this is the perfect time to confess his love. He looks Elliott in her eyes and says, “Elliott I love you more than I love Turk.” By the way, Turk is JD’s best friend whom is also a male. This one line touches Elliott and she begins to sob.

The weird thing is; In this totally SERIOUS relationship, two lovers who SERIOUSLY love each find themselves in a totally SERIOUS fight yet it’s the NOT SERIOUS line (“I love you more than I love Turk”) that solves everything. In life, everyone views certain things to be totally SERIOUS such as, love, fighting, sports, work, and school yet it’s the not serious things that make everything better. Yes, there are times when being serious is the only option but in the other parts in life let’s loosen up and be not serious because as we can see it makes living this tough life a lot easier.

PS: I got a new layout. I know it's kinda girly but I like it so dont be hating!

Love All,

GhanDEEp

Writing Assignment Two

Hello guys! mee ahn that i have been so lazy with this whole writing thing. i guess lately i just lost my passion for it but heres a quick assignment i had to write in ap lang. Its not too great because i wrote it in 15 min before it was due. lol. i made the assignment humerous enjoy!

He sits in a hunched position almost as if he is anticipating something- something he had been anticipating for a while. The chandelier light reflects off his greasy forehead on to his once Atlanta Falcons jersey hanging on the wall- a thing of the past. His tense shoulders hunch over his arms that are resting in a criss-cross position on the table. His belly bulges out of the orange jump suit as if he had been 3 months pregnant. His legs stretch out but remain close together because of the shackles connecting his ankles.

He looks up at his jersey. The old memories flash by. At that moment everything changes. The four walls transform into four groups of red and black, surrounding him and watching his every move. The table in front transforms into 11 challengers, all trying to stop him. His orange jumpsuit transforms into a suit of armor covered by a red and black fabric. The shackles on his ankles are replaced with fancy cleats that have the number 7 written all over them. (Guess who!)

A soft tender voice interrupts his memory. “ Honey your meal is ready.” A young petit black woman walks in holding a steaming piece of meat that rests on a fancy china dish. His moist tongue glides over his thick voluptuous lips. His pupils dilate in anticipation- anticipation for his first meal back from jail. He begins to eat, in solitude. Since the long days of being behind the bars, he has grown to learn to be his own company. The shiny silver knife pierces through the tender meat and 4 silver stakes stab the bit size piece and then enters his mouth. This happens over and over again- each time increasing in speed. He picks up the plate and licks it clean, leaving nothing behind. Allow me to remind you, he is not your ordinary criminal, he is a dog killer.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Glass Shards

Today was probably one of the best days of my life. God is truly amazing! :] Anyways I was thinking about the question I asked in my previous blog and I finally found the answer.

The only question I ask is; was I confined to this box to learn to enjoy living in it or was I confined to this box to learn to break out of it?

The answer is neither.

The walls of the box are thick and indestructible. My poundings against the wall leave nothing but bruises on my knuckles and a broken spirit. Why did God put me in a box that I can’t leave? Why does he challenge me to something I can’t beat? Why did he make me weak but asks me to be strong? (I copied that last question from a manifest song hehe)

He puts us in a situation inevitable to failure in order that we realize our efforts alone are not enough. We alone, are weak. Only the father can shatter these walls.

Some of us, continue to live in this world not knowing that we’re confined to this glass box but when the storm hits, the rain drops will burst against the walls and then you will realize that there’s more to life. But when the box is actually broken, you will truly realize that there’s more to life.

My good news of the day; My walls have been broken.
This goes out to one of my special brothers.

Dear Korean Military Solider (inside joke),
Thanks for your care and your encouragement. By the way my progress so far has been great! :]

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Glass Box

I was in my friend’s car. He was talking me home. We were stuck in the midday traffic as rain drops continued to burst on the windshield, later be swept off. In the background, music continued to play as I spoke. “I don’t know why but I feel so down but nothing is going wrong.” He replied, “Yeah man, I’m depressed too but I have nothing to be depressed about. I think it’s the weather.”

Then I realized why I had felt so down. It had nothing to do with receiving a detention or receiving a forty four on a test. It was that in life I’m confined to the small boundaries of a glass box. Normally I don’t even realize it because glass is clear but today the rain hitting against the boundaries of the box showed me how constrained I was. In the box, I have all the tools and necessities for life but the only thing it lacks is the adventures of exploration. For some people, they enjoy living in the box as long as they have the materialistic things or have a significant other to live with but I can’t stand it. I need adventure. I need exploration. I need to get out.

The only question I ask is; Was I confined to this box to learn to enjoy living in it or was I confined to this box to learn to break out of it?

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Tread Mill

Hello brothers and sisters! I hope that everyone of yall are enjoying life. Right now, I have a lot on my mind and a lot of things I would like to say but I feel that there’s one main point that God wants me to write about but my apologies if the blog seems not focused and strays off into many directions.

WARNING!
I write this blog in hopes to encourage others and to express my thoughts. In no way am I looking down upon or judging anyone. This is blog is not meant for a certain group of people instead it’s meant for all Christians. I would like to thank those who are obsessed and those who devote every aspect of their lives to the lord because you guys are an inspiration.

This blog goes out to all those people I hurt because of my inconsideration and my selfishness and especially to a very close friend of mine whom I love to death.

Also please forgive my hypocrisy.

It was just a typical Sunday. I sat through the sermon while constantly texting my friend and checking the time. Finally we sang the last praise song and I jolted out to my favorite part of the Sunday routine-bible study. As I walked into the house where our class always meets, the arrangement was different. It wasn’t the casual “hang-out” setting. The sofas and the ping pong table had been replaced by chairs, desks, and a dusty chalk board. Bible study was going to be different today.

I took a seat in the back of the room, next to my best friend. I leaned back, stretched out my legs, and rested my arms on my friend’s chair. You could say that I wasn’t expecting much because the bible study had been combined. No offense, but when the girls and the guys combine classes, no progress is made. The class began and my overly excited teacher began sharing her story. It was moving. Then my other hardcore teacher stood up and shared something really weird. Honestly I didn’t really understand but none the less, I knew it was message from God. Finally class was almost over and a brave soul spoke out. He talked about how this church had been falling apart and how a lot of blame is on the leaders. He had no right to judge and say what he said but sometimes, the truth is what needs to be said. It got me thinking.

My new found goal and aspiration is to become a servant of Christ and walk alongside the lord with a faith that resembles Enoch’s. Unfortunately, it is easier said than done. I write these blogs and have all these great ideas about God but do I really apply them in my life? Do I really devote every aspect of my life to God? Am I really trying my best to walk alongside the lord? When my journey began, I thought I was on fire for God, despite the fact that I rarely read the bible and didn’t even really apply my own blogs into my life. I even took advantage of God’s mercy and grace and knowingly sinned knowing that I would be forgiven. I tried to walk this walk with the lord and at the same time tried to enjoy these worldly pleasures. But after that brave brother spoke out, I looked down and realized that I thought I was walking with the lord and reaching a certain destination but in reality, I was walking on a treadmill going absolutely nowhere.

The bible clearly states that “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” implying that only God, himself, is the only one who may judge us but I think there are occasions when judgment is allowed. As Christians we are called to serve the lord with full faith and no doubts and that should be our goal in life but in order for us to reach that goal we have to judge ourselves or else you may think you’re walking with the lord when in reality, you’re on a treadmill, walking and going nowhere.

I’ve done it and you’ve done and I still do it but let us not take advantage of our father’s mercy and grace.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Modern Day Breakfast Club

Hey guys hope all is well. This is a short blog that I wrote when i was bored in Saturday School. Be on the look out for a heart felt blog this week. Enjoy :D

The hall way had a fused scent of new books and the bad morning breath of many students. They sat on tables with their backs leaned on the coarse brick wall. Some were enjoying themselves to a hot steaming chicken biscuit while other were catching up on last minute sleep, with their head prompt against the wall. They were all waiting- waiting to serve their Saturday school. You could call it the modern day breakfast club.

The group consisted of the typical jocks and potheads but also consisted of the rare handful of nerds that somehow made their way into detention. Amongst this large group lays a first time server-me.

Passion

Helloo guys im in art for about 2 hours and this got really boring so i decided to write a blog. This pretty bad but i have to practice.

An aspiring artist sat there painting, his new found hobby. His back hunched over. His fingers were crusted with pigment from the wiping and smearing of the paint on the canvas. His hair remained unkempt and held a foul scent of rotten eggs and glue. He had not showered in days. His shirt was of a neon green color but the neon has faded back due the paint covering it. His jeans remained low on his waist. His legs were crossed, the right on top of his left. Each shoe had been worn in yet maintained a fashionable level. You could say that he looked like a bum-a dedicated hard working bum that is.

I have decided to be more like this artist, allowing art to control every aspect of his appearance. His posture remains crooked, his fingers are crusted, his hair remains unwashed, and his shirt is ruined, all for his new found passion. He remains indifferent to all of this, channeling all of his attention and focus into creating a work of art. I will do the same but instead channel my everything into something greater.

THE ONE! aha

Hello my fellow readers thank you for actually taking the time out to read my long and complicated thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.

This blog goes out to one very special person. In a way it’s for me to tell that person I am truly sorry and truly understand my mistakes. I would also like to thank three of my brothers, two of them will remain unnamed but the other insists on receiving attention so thank you JOHN LEE. They are the masterminds behind this blog. They helped me realize a lot. They know who they are. :]

Last night I came home late from SAT tutor and decided to sleep early. Unlike the other nights, I closed my eyes and went to sleep with no moment of restlessness or insomnia- just pure deep sleep. For some reason my alarm clock rang at 5 a.m. Grumpy yet tired, I sluggishly walked over and turn off the alarm and went back to bed, in hopes of catching an extra hour of sleep before school. It was impossible. I found myself laying there restless and eyes glaring into the darkness. My mind went crazy thinking about the nights before. One night, one of my brothers had told me “Eric it’s not indifference its fear of failure.” (Speaking about why I had given up my junior year) It got me thinking. The truth is; fear dictates everyone’s life but I wondered “What is the one fear that is common to all humans?” I questioned and thought and soon enough asked another one of my brothers for his thoughts. He said that the fear of being sad is the one fear common to all people. In other words; life revolves around the pursuit of self happiness. I knew that these two thoughts were related but I couldn’t make the connection. Either way, the sun rose and it was time for school but my mood wasn’t right so I asked a close friend to skip. Instead, we decided to check out early.

The clock struck 11:20 and my palms were sweaty and my heart beat fast. It was my first time I was “cutting” class and I was terrified of getting caught. Eventually everything went right and I ended up in my room with a close friend of mine. We sat on the computer, bored to death, and looking at hot girls on facebook but somehow a deep conversation struck up.

Then it hit me. I was afraid of being a failure because I was afraid that nobody would accept me as a failure. I feared being a failure because I feared being lonely. I feared being lonely because ultimately I feared being sad. Whether it’s being around the girl I like or just hanging out with a new found acquaintance, being around people brings me joy. The thought of being alone kills me.

It all made sense. I was so insecure and self conscious because I always wanted to be accepted by all groups of people. I wanted to be loved by everyone so that’s why my image mattered so much to me. I wanted to be loved so that’s why I chased girl after girl. I wanted to be loved so that’s why I was “open” when in reality I feared the fact of revealing my inner diamond (a diamond of individuality that God blesses to each and every one of his children, all different yet all beautiful in their own ways). I wanted to be loved so that’s why I feared being a failure. Ultimately all of this leads to the pursuit of my happiness. Being loved and wanted brings me joy.

The truth is; everyone has their own “thing” that brings them joy and they pursue after that but it’s the fear of losing that “thing” that dictates our lives. In order words; we all pursue happiness but it’s the fear of being sad that controls our actions. For example, those who rely on materialistic things to bring them joy fear losing their goods so they work to become successful in order that losing these materials is not an option. They study hard and struggle through school, sometimes even sacrificing their own social life, all in hopes to never lose that one thing that brings them joy- their materialistic things. In my condition, I molded myself to become “likable” in all aspects in order that people will never reject me and will always remain by my side. I even went to give up on my future so that losing the one thing that brings me joy will never be an option.

I realized something though. These “things” in the world may provide us with joy now but it’s impossible to provide us with the same joy every time. We grow older and things don’t remain the same, they change making these joys only temporary. In my case, there will be a day where I will think about my image so much that I will lose my own true identity- the one diamond that god has blessed each and every one of us with. When day comes, nobody will ever want to be with me because I will be nothing without an identity and it’s guaranteed that a similar day will come for everyone- the day when your worldly joy stops providing you with joy.

You don’t believe me? Even facts support my statement. In 2000, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. Truthfully 11th is not that bad but suicide deaths outnumber homicide deaths by five to three. There are also eight to twenty-five attempted suicides per every suicide death. The total number of suicide deaths was 29,350, that’s in one year alone. Let’s not forget those who contemplate suicide everyday but fear the existence of god which restricts them from actually attempting suicide. I also forgot to mention approximately 18.8 million American adults are affected by depressive disorders; this number does not include the hundreds of other nations and also does not include non adults. The facts prove it; if these worldly “things” can bring us eternal joy why on earth does suicide and depression exists, especially at such a high rate?

The solution is simple. Learn to find your joy in something that will last forever. Eternal joy rests in something greater than this world. It rests in the creator-God.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

The Element of Surprise

The night is almost over and the morning is close but something just hit me. Lately a lot of things have been hitting me.

Unfortunately I can’t risk to stay up any longer and actually write a blog but I will leave by saying; The element of surprise is a powerful tool.

Whether you are trying to get a girl to go to prom with you or even just trying to make someone smile, try using the element of surprise. It is a strong tool.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Image. As human beings, it is only natural for us to care about the way people view us. But is that the driving force, pushing me to act a certain way? Do I do certain things because of the way people will view me?

As much as I want to answer no, I know that deep down inside image is something meaningful to me- rendering and molding my every action.

I remember the good old days, after the days that girls had “cooties”, but before the days that everything got complicated- the good old days of middle school. It was a late night at my friend’s house and we had waited for his parents to go to sleep because somehow I had lied my way into renting the R-rated movie 8 Mile, Eminem’s journey from rags to riches. From when the movie began to when the movie ended, I laid, mouth open in awe, and studied Eminem as if he were my God. You could say that I wanted to be just like him- a “hardcore Gangster rapper”. That day forward, I wore the “ghetto” clothes and talked in the “ghetto” all so that people could view me as “ghetto”. It was my image that drove me to do this.

Fortunately, I grew out of this stage and moved on to other “images” that better fit me. So why is that image matters so much to me? Better yet, in general, why do we as human beings care so much about the way people view us?

The problem is apparent. Millions of girls are anorexic, refusing to eat because they don’t want to be “fat”. When in reality, they are all beautiful. Millions of people shop at only certain stores, despite the outrageous prices because they want to be”in”. When in reality, they can purchase three other shirts for the price of that one shirt. I know I have no right to judge because I too am sucked in this worldwide problem.

I thought about it a lot. People go to extreme measures to fix an acceptable image so that society can accept them, so that they won’t be lonely, so that they will have girls or guys “checking them out” the next time they go to the movies.

The irony is, true friendships and relationships are built when we look beyond the brands of clothing.They are built when we search the within each others’ hearts to see God’s beauty within. I believe that all people are similar in a way that we are all sinners but we are also all different in way that God gave each and every one of us a certain diamond- each diamond rendered and molded in different ways. These diamonds rest deep within the tissues and veins of our hearts. They can be only be found if you search for them. You have to search and flash the light at the diamond in order that the reflections of light reveal its location- also revealing the beauty of our creator.

True friendships are made when we discover each other’s diamonds.

Ps: Thanks to all who have been there for me. Thanks to all who have dealt with me despite being a failure. Thanks to all who have found my diamond and continue to believe in me. This one goes to those people I call my true friends.

Quick shout outs to my other two stooges(who will probably never read this LOL), to f14 (my source of inspiration when it comes to brotherhood), to my sisters who have always been there for me(Hannah and Gina), to the man who thinks I suck at basketball(Sterling, brother, remember brotherhood can never be broken and family for life), to the Asian Ronnie Coleman (Simon, God is with you at all times),to my friend who happens to share the same name (Aric, keep it up your an inspiration to many, to my Spanish amigo (Christopher, be good brother!), and finally to my parents who love me no matter what. :D

Love all,

GhanDEEP

Life Goes On

How many brothers fell victim to the streets
Rest in peace young nigga, there’s a Heaven for a G
Be a lie, if I told ya that I never thought of death
My nigga, we the last ones left
But life goes on

The famous lyrics to Tupac’s Life Goes On, a hit rap single, is a favorite to many, a top karaoke song, and to some, a source of inspiration- Yes, an inspiration.

My entire life, I have chased after everything and anything I’ve ever wanted. I remember in third grade, my mother and I went to the store and a sparkling cookie cutter caught my attention. I begged and plead for it but as typical as Korean mothers are, she stubbornly refused. As determined as I was, I secretly snuck the star shaped cookie cutter in my pocket and eventually walked out of the store- proving that my desires and wants over power my morals.

God bless, that God continues to provide to such a selfish human being as I. But recently, I saw things in a different vision- a vision that wasn’t centered on my wants or desires. In fact, I have had these visions before but never mustered enough will power and self discipline to actually act upon them; that is until today.
Honestly, it is something I feel like I will regret in the future but something inside of me tells me that I’ll be alright and life will go on.

There are times in life when things don’t go your way, or times when you have to sacrifice your own desires. In these times, allow that catchy Tupac song to ring through your head- Life Goes On. Better things will come in the future and God will always look after you. That’s a promise.

love all,

GhanDEEP

Sore Losers

Hello people!

This entry will be short and simple.

What do you do to sore losers?

Look at them with a nice big smile, and show your pearly whites. Then walk away with your chin held high, chest prompted out, and arms fixed on your hips. Enjoy your victory and prepare for the another battle because sore losers cant accept losing.

The devil is a sore loser.

Love all,

GhanDEEP

Conquer

I sat there, patiently waiting and periodically checking my phone. I had carefully chosen my outfit- something not too intricate but also not too simple, something mediating between the two.

The phone rang. “I’m here”, she spoke with a tender childish voice. My anticipation for filled at last. I sprinted down the stairs, sat in the car, and drove away before my father could ask where I was going. I was going to a happy place. It wasn’t the location that brought me joy instead it was who I was going with that made me crack a smile and warmed my heart.

Time had passed. I found myself sitting on a platform. My pants were wet because of a late afternoon morning dew but I didn’t care. Arms were linked and her head rested on my narrow shoulders. Avoiding eye contact, we looked up in the dark clear sky- the stars sparkled. The moon light casted a shadow, causing our dangling legs to look narrow and lanky. You could say, it was a fairy tale but soon reality would hit.

I thought to myself, “What do I fear?” Spiders? Monsters? Physical pain? Failure?

The answer is none of the above. I fear that this event that means so much to me will mean nothing to you. I fear that you will be reading this and will chuckle, laughing at my sensitivity. I fear that I mean nothing to you.

People will say that this note is nothing more than desperation shot but I beg to differ. This note, this blog, this entry, is my way of overcoming, defeating, and conquering my fear. After all, the only thing to fear is fear itself.

Everyone has fears or problems but unless you muster up enough courage to present them in front of the public view, you haven’t truly conquered them.

Love,

ghanDEEP

The Road

It's currently 4:37 a.m. I had a hard time sleeping so I decided I would write this one blog that has been on my mind but I am really tired so this blog wasn't written as well as I wanted it to be. So look out for a revised version later on but for now enjoy :D

O and before I forget, quick shout outs to AUDREY JEON. Umm shes pretty cool and shes nice. Get to know her!

Homeless dogs and cats roamed, searching a hand to be petted by. Mice were sniffing and creeping along the cracked sidewalks, searching for their next meal. All inhabitants were searching- all except for me. I sat there, on the bench, staring into the other side. Others sat beside me- they too were searching. Did I mention these “others’’ are either crippled or blind? In simple terms, they are lost without a sense of direction. So why am I with them? I am a functioning body.

I sit here with them because I am too weak, making me also lost without a sense of direction.

I can’t stop. For years now, I’ve been sitting here doing absolutely nothing besides staring into the other side, only hoping and dreaming.

Between the two sides lays a cement paved road where the cars seems larger than life, where the vroom’s of the engines deafen every ear, and where the smog of the exhaust pipes blind every eye. These cars travel on this road every day, every minute, every second, making it impossible for me to cross.

Unlike the peers around me, I am more pathetic because I obtain the legs to cross but I lack the confidence and the courage to actually try. From a realistic point of view, I am too weak.

I’ve seen people do it before. They crossed the road by simply pushing a button and waiting for a green hand to appear. Then all the cars stop and wait for them to cross. These people inspire me. Why can’t I just press the button?
Maybe, God gave me legs not so I can simply cross the road but so I can to realize that there are people out there, in this world, in this country, in this state, in this county, in the bench that I am sitting on, that don’t have what I have. These people unfortunately are born without legs, or born without the ability to see. Maybe I’m suppose have these legs, and at the same time be weak, in order that I sit alongside this unfortunate people and get to know who they are and soon enough, call them my brothers. But there’s a time when I have to muster enough strength to cross this road, not by myself, but with a crippled brother in my arms, or even leading a blind man across. I may have to make several trips back and forth but just maybe, that’s why I’m here. Maybe that’s my destiny.

Now the question is: will I have enough dedication and will power to for fill my destiny?

The Beauty within Each and Every Ogre.

Fire surrounds the ogre. Each and every breathe rips a torch of scorching heat- a heat unbearable even for the phoenix that dwells in the ashes of burned wood. Yet only this ogre possesses the rock hard skin that can neither be cracked no be burned down. Sparks continue to zing off the smalls holes that rest in the ridges of the skin. Picture that.

Believe when I say; Even an ogre this cruel harvests a frosting McFlurry that any one can enjoy. That my brothers is the beauty within each and every ogre.

Love All,

Ghandeep

Infinity

Forgive me for my hypocrisy and lack of true knowledge in this matter but this concept was something too big for me to ignore.

In a conversation with a fellow brother of mine, I learned something- something big, something huge, something infinite. In simple terms, you can call it Jesus’ crucifixion-mind boggling yet cliché, but let’s magnify this concept and actually take a second to think.

First let me emphasize a couple things; a single sin (not just actions, but motives and thought) is equivalent to eternity in hell, Jesus was a sinless and perfect man, and most importantly, Jesus died for ALL of our sins- past, present, and future. With that in mind, lets attempt to count the number of sins and will-be sins (meaning sins that will inevitably occur) that Jesus has died for.

The sins of my father and mother + the sins of my grandparents + the sins of my great grandparents + … + My sins + the sins of my children + the sins of my grandchildren + … = infinity (don’t forget to count the sins of your friends, your teachers, your peers, athletes, celebrities, neighbors, principals… Oh yeah and include their family lines also)

From a mathematical point of view, that’s infinity. STOP HERE!! Take some time to absorb all of that. INFINITY amount of sins and remember a SINGLE SIN IS EQUALIVALENT TO ETERNITY IN HELL.

In conclusion, a sinless man, who deserved nothing less than honest praise from each and every one of his creations, suffered the consequence of an INFINITE amount of sins. All for what? His own creations. How in the world does that make any sense?
Now here comes the real question. How is that possible? There is no way anyone or anything can do that? It’s unbelievable! It’s impossible!

Imagine. Even if this whole Christian theory was nothing more than a big hoax that was made to help everyday people get through everyday struggles, what creative mind could think of such thing?

I’d like to believe I think a lot- questioning everything, getting ideas from simple everyday items, pondering about anything, BUT I realized that these thoughts all stem from something else. For example, all my metaphors and views of life stem from something. It all comes from somewhere. There are no thoughts that just appear. Prove me wrong.

That means even if this Christian theory was all a “hoax”, the thought of it must have stemmed from something or someone. Maybe there once lived a person, who was a “good guy” and another person used that “good guy” to initiate a train of thought, which lead to the Christian religion.

Now, let’s think. If everyone in this world were to break down their walls, remove their masks, and reveal their bare naked selves, would there be a single pure soul? Would there be a single person that did everything right with the right intentions in mind? In other words, are there any perfect people in this world? I think not.
Through a process of elimination, the theory that a “good guy” was the originating factoid for the Christian religion cancels out, leaving only one theory to be true; there must have been a super natural power, greater than the human race that gave humans this idea of Christianity, making this Christian “hoax” into something real. The thought of that is simply unreal.

Think about that.

Once again, forgive me for my hypocrisy but look beyond the writer, look into the concepts and the theories, think for yourself.

PS:
I have a quick props to this story- http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=91460

That’s the true meaning of sports.

Love All,

ghanDEEP

Dedication

Dedication. What does that mean? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it just another way to for fill my greed?

It wasn’t until I heard people claiming their dedication that I decided I’d take control and dedicate my life to something worth living for. But today, something sparked my brain; "It’s not Dedication Its Greed." I thought.

During the times of my misery, it wasn’t because I wasn’t dedicated. If anything, it was because I was dedicated. I was dedicated into for filling my greed, for filling my own selfish desires, and most importantly, for filling the temptations of Satan.
Too many times we as humans, as dreamers, as Christians, we talk about joys and delights of the world, but forget the realistic evils that rest in the core of this planet. I struggled day after day, trying to stand victorious to an enemy; He was too great, too strong, and too real. It’s true, Satan knocked me down to the floor, with just a simple flick of his finger; again let me emphasize, he was too great, too strong, and too real. For months, I stole money from own parents, breaking their trust, wasting their hard-earned cash, and for what? So I smoke in the Satan’s breathe. For my entire life, I took advantage of the true meaning of friendship, manipulating when I could so I could satisfy my personal desires. For many times, I ruined second chances, I ruined third chances, I ruined fourth, fifth, and sixth chances, and in the end, I had no more chances; it killed me. So during these times of misery, I was miserable because I was dedicated, dedicated to my greed, dedicated to Satan’s temptations, and dedicated to the wrong things.

Believe me when I say this; the key to becoming unmiserable is to making yourself miserable.

For example, late snacking at a local fast food restaurant is not only cheap but also temporally satisfying. But in the end, you won’t be satisfied with a huge belly hanging over your waist line. Instead you have eat “right” and make yourself miserable because in the end, it’s six pack that’ll bring you everlasting joy.
In all honesty, in those times of misery, I had a blast. To only have explored the minimal steps of the sinful cave, it was adventurous and amazing. Doing my daily habits and putting myself into this “high” was simply amazing but in the end, what would I have been? Nothing more than a fat, lazy, man who sits on his couch all day, dreaming, and wondering “What could I have been?”

So I encourage all; Make yourself miserable, confront your insecurities head on, humble yourself, defeat temptation, be dedicated ,because in the end, it’s all worth it.

Even if God’s not real, even if he is just an absurd idea, this fallacy is still worth living for, because in times of difficulty, there’s nothing that can comfort you better than this “fallacy”; when lacking ambitions, there’s nothing that can provide you with goals better than this “fallacy”; in times of when you seek to stand victorious, there’s nothing that can prompt you upright than this “fallacy”. Dedication.

Love all,

GhanDEEP

Lazy Days

Here I am, sitting here, reminiscing about absolutely nothing, bored to the point where playing with your eyebrows are fun. Then a voice speaks out. "Let me tell you about how the world will end in 2012.", a simply idiotic theory, yet entertaining at the least. His plump head with his gorilla underbite continues to speak. I chuckle.

Sometimes life can get boring and dull, but it doesn't hurt to kick it with your homie and have some fun. Who knows God may throw you something you never expected. He's quite a character; a character I want to know.

Love Always,

GhanDEEP.(ahah thanks eunice for the name. for those that dont get it GHANDI + DEEP so it read gone deep)

The Post Break-Up

She was of a Polish decent, marked by a funny last first name; Sidney. She was slender and tall, resembling a giraffe. She was beautiful; mysterious green eyes, curly blonde hair, and defining cheek bones. You could say that she was just another “eye candy”, that is until she spoke. She had a way with words; each word eloquently linked to the one before, each word implied with a peaceful connotation, each word spoken with a melodious tune, music to my ears. Her walk, as beautiful as well, resembled that of an angel bouncing from cloud to cloud; each step was as eloquent as the next. An aura of scent surrounded her, not so much beautiful but more distinct yet still stimulated the senses inside my nose.

A tinkle waved throughout my body. I was scared but what is a life without any risks to take. I managed to blurt out a couple words.

“Hey, I’m Eric. I like your shirt.”

“Thanks, I really like your style too. You wear a lot of purple.” She chuckled.

We sat down. We talked some more. I got her number.

Later that night, we talked on the phone. Later that week, we talked on the phone, Later that month, we talked on the phone. For two months, we talked. I found that her physical beauties compared nothing to the diamonds that made the four chambers of her BLOODLESS heart. Treasures, they were, but no place of comfort. Each time I tried to lay in her heart, the pointed edges pierced my tender skin and blood rushed out of my body and into her heart; finally she had blood to pump. I left her.

Many men came after me, all were just as amazed at first, and then the diamond heart also drained their blood. That’s how she maintained to live.

This girl, her name was Maria Sidney, indeed unique. Allow me to emphasize she has two first names but one last first name; Maria Sidney.

PS: I hope that one day I will be able to soften her diamond heart.

Love Always,

Eric Lee

Regret

dedication to Rosalyn. thanks for the ideas. ENJOY!

With Valentines Day just around the corner, it made me think-"Here comes another Valentines Day, ALONE!" Pathetic! yes, i know. Besides thinking of myself as "pathetic" and "lonely", this special couples' day triggered me into a realization that I've been harvesting a lifeless tree in my heart for a very long time- a tree that will neither bear me any fruit nor provide me with any sturdy branches for me to sit on and think profound thoughts in my intricate mind. It is simply a tree whose rotten roots are intertwined within the veins of my heart and only provides me with memories of when it once was alive and green.

Why continue to harvest a dead tree?; Especially when i have no supernatural ability to revive a dead dried out plant. It's because, this once flourishing tree, on the verge of blossoming flowers and bearing delicious fruits, was poisoned by its very own owner- me. I was unable to control the fire and anger growing inside me and revolted against my own heart. I spend months, days, hours, minutes, and even seconds trying everything to revive this tree, pouring in fertilizer after fertilizer, magic growing potion after magic growing potion, only to realize that nothing in my own capability will ever bring the plant back alive. For countless days and nights, REGRET haunted me, followed me after step, filled the air in my lungs, tainted my every thought.

I had to run away, I had to rid my inner anger, I had to defeat this regret. I was in need, my desires were filled with greed, my heart continued to bleed, so i relied on _____, so naive and stupid of me. No longer could i live my like this, I decided "man up" and battle this REGRET- to undo the mistakes that I did, to fix my past, to revive the tree with my blood stained fingertips.

Maybe till this day, i still try to revive the tree with my own abilities believing that there's at least one living root, and if not, I'll just continue to dream and hope, and be the idealist that i am; although immature, I will always hold that childish idealistic view towards life, for what is a childhood if every aspect of life is mature. But maybe its time for a new seed, an old seed, yet still new. Maybe its time for me to rip out the roots of this dead tree and nurture it in a pot. Maybe its time for me to open my heart to this new seed and allow the roots grow deep within the four chambers of my heart and become one. It's time for me that plant this seed- a seed that will grow into a plant that will bear fruits forever, a plant that will provide me with sturdy branches to sit on, and most importantly a plant that will flourish no matter how many times i poison it. Who knows, maybe this new seed can help me revive the old tree that i destroyed.

For this Valentines Day, if you are alone, with no date, like me, maybe you should plant this new seed in your heart- the seed of God, it will never fail, i hope...

have fun guys :D

Love Always,

Eric Lee

Idealism!?!?

Lately i couldn't help but to think about my idealistic view towards life and ponder "Is idealism naive, childish and stupid, or is it legit and makes me who i am?" Through talking to many people, I've realized that the battle between idealism and realism can be perfectly related through the game of poker, yes, the game of poker. lol.

Poker is a game often dealing with the personal battle of idealism and realism. Lets pretend you currently have a J and 10 in possession and the draw comes out to be a K, Q, and 3. The turn comes out to be a 4. Raises circulate around the table, do you trust in idealism and go all in believing in the small chance that an A will be the river or do u believe in realism and fold because of the small probability of obtaining an A on the river. That decision is up to you. Personally, i would go all in.

In life there are certain situations worthy of high bids and "all ins "but never play conservative through the entire game or else the blinds will slowly lead you to destruction and failure, playing conservative is an inevitable path to failure. The warning, "Don't play conservative" doesn't necessarily mean go "all in" with a 2 7 in possession, also an inevitable path to failure. Instead, consider each hand (life situation). Is this hand (life situation) really worth playing, is the situation really worth my consideration, my effort, and most importantly my time.

If u decide to raise or go "all in" and unfortunately lose, don't be discouraged. Sometimes, you win. Sometimes, you lose. Either way, you learn about your style and the way other people play.

Don't be afraid to bluff. But bluff with a possible chance of winning, at least a small chance. Who knows everyone else may fold.

As a warning to all, there is a certain hand, that is always worthy of an "all in" and inevitable to a success, "pocket rockets". Metaphorically speaking, "pocket rockets" symbolizes Jesus. Though hypocritical and shameful for me to preach, nonetheless, i choose to speak my mind. Jesus is the one hand that deserves an "all in" ALL THE TIME. Though there may be times when the turn comes out be unfavorable, never fold. In the end, you will always win, WEATHER with a pair, three of a kind, full house; success is inevitable; the STORM will fade away and the SUN will always shine.

Remember; don't play the game of life with your head down, always wondering what if you could have won, don't play the game of life with your head in the clouds, always believing that success is inevitable, instead play the game of life with your butt on the edge of your seat, considering each hand, bluffing at the right times, and always going "all in" with "pocket rockets".

Love Always,

Eric Lee