Regret

dedication to Rosalyn. thanks for the ideas. ENJOY!

With Valentines Day just around the corner, it made me think-"Here comes another Valentines Day, ALONE!" Pathetic! yes, i know. Besides thinking of myself as "pathetic" and "lonely", this special couples' day triggered me into a realization that I've been harvesting a lifeless tree in my heart for a very long time- a tree that will neither bear me any fruit nor provide me with any sturdy branches for me to sit on and think profound thoughts in my intricate mind. It is simply a tree whose rotten roots are intertwined within the veins of my heart and only provides me with memories of when it once was alive and green.

Why continue to harvest a dead tree?; Especially when i have no supernatural ability to revive a dead dried out plant. It's because, this once flourishing tree, on the verge of blossoming flowers and bearing delicious fruits, was poisoned by its very own owner- me. I was unable to control the fire and anger growing inside me and revolted against my own heart. I spend months, days, hours, minutes, and even seconds trying everything to revive this tree, pouring in fertilizer after fertilizer, magic growing potion after magic growing potion, only to realize that nothing in my own capability will ever bring the plant back alive. For countless days and nights, REGRET haunted me, followed me after step, filled the air in my lungs, tainted my every thought.

I had to run away, I had to rid my inner anger, I had to defeat this regret. I was in need, my desires were filled with greed, my heart continued to bleed, so i relied on _____, so naive and stupid of me. No longer could i live my like this, I decided "man up" and battle this REGRET- to undo the mistakes that I did, to fix my past, to revive the tree with my blood stained fingertips.

Maybe till this day, i still try to revive the tree with my own abilities believing that there's at least one living root, and if not, I'll just continue to dream and hope, and be the idealist that i am; although immature, I will always hold that childish idealistic view towards life, for what is a childhood if every aspect of life is mature. But maybe its time for a new seed, an old seed, yet still new. Maybe its time for me to rip out the roots of this dead tree and nurture it in a pot. Maybe its time for me to open my heart to this new seed and allow the roots grow deep within the four chambers of my heart and become one. It's time for me that plant this seed- a seed that will grow into a plant that will bear fruits forever, a plant that will provide me with sturdy branches to sit on, and most importantly a plant that will flourish no matter how many times i poison it. Who knows, maybe this new seed can help me revive the old tree that i destroyed.

For this Valentines Day, if you are alone, with no date, like me, maybe you should plant this new seed in your heart- the seed of God, it will never fail, i hope...

have fun guys :D

Love Always,

Eric Lee