The Pursuit of Identity.

As I’m sitting here, reminiscing on who I am, I am slowly starting to realize that my life has been built up by the world, by my parents, and by myself. How far has that gotten me? People who somewhat know me can tell you that I’m a “good” kid at heart who’s into bad things but I know I’m so much worse than that. There are many things that I keep to myself and don’t expose to the world because I’m afraid of how they will take it. No one in the world admires deceit, manipulation and corruption- all of the things that have so much to do with my life. The Eric of this world has only led me to trouble. The Eric of his parents has only led me to dishonesty. The Eric of myself has only led me to an inevitable failure. I’m with done with that. I’m done with trying to make my own life. The lord needs to break me to build me again, this time in his ways and in his love. I know I have fallen and will fall again. The judgment of the world will come. They will label me as a hypocrite, an unworthy one, and a hated one but I don’t care because I’m done with the Eric that I tried making. Jesus, break me and rebuild me as the Eric you have created.

Love All,

GhanDEEP

Idk. Really, I don't know!

Hey guys, sorry for not blogging more often but I think I lost sight of what this blog was really about. I began this blog as a form of expression for me to reveal my thoughts and my feelings- basically your guide to Eric’s world. Unfortunately, I’ve lost sight of that and got so caught up in the spiritual pride and wanting this blog to be a form of preaching but I realize that I don’t want it to be like that. I’m just one of you guys and through this blog, I want to express my thoughts, my opinions, and my feelings and you guys to take it as you like. I’ll leave the preaching for the pastors.

Right now, I’m in a place in my walk where I’m getting to know who the real God is and deviating from who I thought “God” was. As I was sitting in my room, I had just got off the phone with my bible study teacher and he got me thinking. God has given me purpose in my life and called me to be someone, which in itself is powerful to me because all my life, I’ve dreamt of doing big things. But for a God who is first of all, a GOD and secondly, a God who has already scarified so much for me through his son’s crucifixion alone, he must really love me because he knew me enough to provide me with the things that make me happy. And beyond that, he’s promising to take care of all my needs, of all my insecurities, and of all my in capabilities, if I love him. At first glance, that’s not that much, but when I break it down and think about it, it’s unreal. First of all, me loving him only happens because he loves me, so basically without him none of this possible and he could easily just put me down in a pit and I wouldn’t be able to complain because he gave me life. Secondly, me loving him means I love him, which means I’d enjoy talking to him, I’d enjoy serving him, and I’d enjoy being with him. In conclusion, God is going to take care of everything, if I love him, which means it wouldn’t be a burden but an enjoyment. Can that be? Is that possible? Honestly, I know as a “Christian” I should be hollering and screaming “AMEN! “but when I break it down, I have doubts that something that great could actually exist. What do you think?

Love All,

GhanDEEP